my dearest diary

i teared.

i teared in front of my boss. she passed me her tissue.

i hate it.

i hate my emotions for being so overwhelming.

i don't like it.

i don't like to be so emotional.

sales. sales figures. efforts. hardwork. how come they are not co-related?

i tried to convince myself i can do better. i tell myself that i can go on stronger. i know this is not the best of the best i can do. i know i haven't reached my max yet.


thinking of my parents. thinking of my family. i teared again. thinking of how hard my dad and mum did to feed the family, to bring me to school, to give me 3 meals, to buy chocolates and clothes for me.


corporate world is nastier than what i thought. i always thought that with some part time experience most prob things will not be so bad for me. but i was wrong.


disappointed with myself. failing to meet my own expectations.


should i give up my social life and slog for work.

can't i just understand that sometimes work is just like relationship. there is no right or wrong. there is only suitable or not suitable.

and i m really not suitable for this job? or have i not tried hard enough?


so may questions going on my mind. i can't figure it out.


i think i need help. i think i really need some guidance. some motivation for me to carry on.


the guy who came in later than me quitted already. somemore he is more experienced than me. he was a private banker before coming into sph. he left because he find it too stressful.


am i really bearing too much? still unwilling to admit defeat?

only i will know the answer.

typing this blog on my way home. on my way to find my comfort back in the arms of my family. on my wqy to find the warmth that i need.

can you pls sayang me?